For some of us, the holidays mean warm embraces from close family members and distance relatives who have traveled from near and far.
Then there are those of us who are greeted with shady remarks from parents or crazy uncles about how we are the disappointment of the family. Don’t worry, your quirky family has some types on how to deal with disapproving family during the holidays.
1. Schedule Alone Time
You may be in a house with twelve other people during the holiday and the majority of them have christened you the outsider of the family, so finding time to be alone is important. It will allow you to meditate and reset your brain. Receive criticism can get to the best of us, when it’s coming for all at once, finding a way to escape is very important for your mental health. Lock yourself in the bathroom, call your favorite person take a short walk around the block, hell offer to do an ice run to the corner store if need be. Whatever your thing is, remind yourself that their harsh comments are not a reflection of you and you are happy with the life you’ve carved out.
2. Limit Your Time With Family
Perhaps you can’t come up with a reasonable excuse to get our of spending the holidays with your extended family, but you might be able to shorten the amount of time with them. Instead of spending The Eve of Christmas Eve to New Year’s Eve with them, limit your time to two or three days if your budget allows it.
3. Have Your Comebacks Prepared
Sometimes disapprovement comes in the form of shade. Your kinfolk may never outright call you a disappointment, but boy do they know how to use all the right words to spell out disapproval. That one aunt who laments about how you you decided to pursue journalism instead of law. Or that one cousin who throws in it your face that you didn’t take that soul sucking job in a major city, so you could maintain your mental health.
Be prepared for those shady remarks and have a come backs to let them know you won’t allow them to walk all over you verbally. If you aren’t sure how to deliver said comebacks, call your shady friend before you join your family. We all have at least one shady friend that would like to help us craft the right balance of nice-nasty-shady shutdown reserved for that special disapproving family member.
4. Practice Daily Affirmations
If you’re less of a clap back person and more of the grin and bear it type, you’re going to need lots of positivity to making it through the time you spend with the disapproval crew. Being about that type of energy can be exhausting and chip away at your self-esteem so be proactive . Remind yourself that you are more than enough and you love yourself. Start your morning and end your day with one thing you love about yourself and/or your life. Feed yourself the nourishment your relatives aren’t.
While you may not be able to cut ties with these people for financial or safety reasons, remember blood doesn’t neccessarily make you family. These are just your relatives. Your family is the people you choose. Those you are able to confide in and not think about it being thrown back in your face or worry about receiving a belittling response to your concerns.
You should be happy this time of the year. May you find some who accepts you and loves you unconditionally.
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A native Floridian with a love for taking photos, drinking tea, blogging about blackness, lurking in fandoms, and hoarding gifs.