How to Survive: The Black Friday Nerd Guide

Base jumping, deep sea diving- Black Friday shopping. Some of the most hazardous thrill-seeking activities known to man. But fear not, fellow Quirksters! You too can brave the crowds and emerge victorious. 

 

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Aw yiss? Aw yiss!

 

1) Know thy enemy

 

Research, baby! Talk to Google sensei! How much of a discount can you expect? What time does the sale end? My personal fav is bfads.net because they usually put the actual physical ad scan up to peruse at your leisure. 

 

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I wanna find the very best, like nothing ever was…

 

2) Buddy up!

 

Split the list and divide and conquer. You’ll thank me later. Nothing worse than needing a pee break with an hour to go. Black Friday = lines! Phone a friend. Personally, I drag my sister. 

 

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Real-time footage of my sister outside of Best Buy at 3 am (sorry Shel!)

3) Choose Wisely

 

Big doorbuster sales are limited for a reason. The odds are that you’re not going to get everything on the list. It’s okay to want deals. It’s not okay to need them. Sure, it’s banger that you can get a $3 panini press, but it might not be in the cards this time. Go in order from what you want most to least. If they sell out? Take a deep breath and buy some super discounted scented candles. 

 

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Take a bath and relax- till the Cyber Monday sales drop

 

4) Hydrate!

 

Regardless of how you celebrate turkey day, you probably had a lot of sugar and salt. That pumpkin spice latte might be necessary to get you going, but follow it up with the H20. It’s going to be hot and crowded. Water always helps. 

See Also

 

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Lies, London. LIES.

 

5) Have fun 

 

Odds are you’re shopping for gifts. You know what the best part of gift-giving is? The thought put into it and the joy of the recipient. No one wants you to suffer for a Secret Santa. If you know you’ll be miserable, put on your fuzzy bunny slippers and check out the online deals instead. Amazon Prime is totally a thing. 

 

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Rinse, refresh, and repeat!

 

 

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